30/12/2023, 17:56 - Cat: I know 🥰
30/12/2023, 17:56 - Fart: ?
30/12/2023, 18:04 - Cat: Just babbling
30/12/2023, 18:04 - Cat: Thought u wet missing ur little duck 😂
30/12/2023, 18:05 - Fart: I miss Ahmed when he's behaving lol
30/12/2023, 18:05 - Fart: A little lol
30/12/2023, 18:05 - Fart: I miss you all 😘
30/12/2023, 18:05 - Fart: You most. Obvs.
30/12/2023, 18:07 - Cat: At least u got ur space now
30/12/2023, 18:07 - Cat: It's what u wanted
30/12/2023, 18:07 - Fart: You needed it too 😛
30/12/2023, 18:07 - Cat: Nor reallly
30/12/2023, 18:08 - Cat: But whatever
30/12/2023, 18:43 - Fart: Wanna video call before I go there? Tell me how your day was? 😘
30/12/2023, 19:29 - Cat: Yes would love thay
30/12/2023, 19:29 - Cat: Gimme 10 min Please
30/12/2023, 19:36 - Fart: null
30/12/2023, 19:53 - Fart: I literally took a breath. And tried to calmly discuss how I was feeling. You spit all over my therapy and feelings. 
You had a 3 hour nap and feel awake so all my plans have to change to accomodate you. I try to calmly discuss how I'm feeling and how offensive some of the things you say to me are and you hang up and cast me away for a few weeks. 
That really hurts me as a borderline. I'm trying to do what you want without going insane. And boundaries were the first thing we said we needed. We started making a list for god's sake. Now every time the word comes up you have a tantrum and treat me in a way that makes me feel bad and ruins the time I'm supposed to be having space. Last night I was in edge looking at phone for messages from you, all night. 
You call when you know I'm in a social setting and then we argue instead of just letting me do my thing like I let you do yours. 
You think I'd ring you at your autism thing and kick off down the phone at you, or while you were at the bowling thing? I've never done that at anything you've ever gone to. 
You find a way, a lot of the time to start something when I'm in a setting where I can't talk, or about to go out. I get you have autism and what's now is what matters but we set up those boundaries to stop me getting borderline. You agreed to this. 
Now I'm feeling depressed and hurt for just trying to talk about my feelings and emotions so I don't borderline and you have a go at me and hang up. Thanks.
30/12/2023, 19:56 - Fart: I just wanted to talk things out, you said you understood how sometimes things you say and actions you take, without understanding social etiquette, can be hurtful 😔
30/12/2023, 19:57 - Cat: Sorry
30/12/2023, 19:57 - Fart: You know you demand a lot of me. I struggle to meet your level  then feel really bad and like everything I do is not enough and then I get really borderline.
30/12/2023, 19:57 - Fart: I love you and I want to spend new years with you
30/12/2023, 19:57 - Fart: I'm trying to look at things logically and prevent me being a psycho 😔
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Cat: U don't see my perspective ever. I ve got major ptsd from that June episode of urs. I'd take 5 strangling in exchange for being arrested for trying to hug I and talk sense into u
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Fart: I do, and I try my best
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Cat: And the slandering u did caused so much damage that even 6 months late ru can't tell ur friends ure engaged to me
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Cat: It feels like a joke to me
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Cat: Sorry wait
30/12/2023, 19:58 - Cat: Attila bad
30/12/2023, 19:59 - Fart: Pretty sure will knows we're still engaged
30/12/2023, 20:00 - Fart: That's because you sit there overthinking everything.
30/12/2023, 20:00 - Fart: And recycling.
30/12/2023, 20:00 - Fart: I do it too 🤷
30/12/2023, 20:06 - Fart: Either way. I rang you, relatively happy, to see your face, tried to tell you why I feel so guilty about the reasons I should go to this thing as conversation and to see what your thoughts on it were, you kicked off at me and dragged all this up. 
I love you.
You really need make a start on your CBT book, we're supposed to work on us. I'm trying to work on me and you're getting pissed off to the point you hang up if the word boundaries is mentioned. 
I want us to work, more than anything, I think a good goal could be we need to get to the point we can spend 3-4 days apart AND spend a week together without an argument.
30/12/2023, 20:10 - Fart: You admitted yourself you started one the other day and apologised to me later on. I forgave you straight away. I do my best for you and I think about you so much. 😔
30/12/2023, 20:12 - Cat: I feel like the boundary thing is ur latest control tool
30/12/2023, 20:12 - Cat: U like control
30/12/2023, 20:12 - Fart: I'm gonna go to this thing, Leon asked where I am and I feel to guilty to bail. If you want me to come after drop me a message, I'll want to leave after an hour or two max so I can talk after, or head to you, what I can't do is have a drawn out text conversation for two hours round someone who's suicidal and someone else who's lost their girlfriend just before Christmas
30/12/2023, 20:12 - Cat: But it always comes in conjuction with illogical and emotional self centered arguments and it makes me mad. Do I hang up cuz I try not to get mad
30/12/2023, 20:12 - Fart: No, you just don't like me calling you out for walking all over them
30/12/2023, 20:13 - Fart: What was self centered?
30/12/2023, 20:13 - Cat: Nv
30/12/2023, 20:13 - Cat: Go to ur thing
30/12/2023, 20:13 - Cat: Speak later
30/12/2023, 20:13 - Fart: I'm not going yet
30/12/2023, 20:14 - Fart: You don't understand how the demands you make and how pissed of you get when you don't immediately get your way are also controlling
30/12/2023, 20:17 - Cat: Oh ok
30/12/2023, 20:17 - Fart: I was supposed to come tomorrow. You had a nap so you feel awake, ask me to come right away because you're bored, get really pissed off when I try to explain the shit situation I'm in and about how offended I am at some of the things you say to me, and then have a go at me for trying to practice therapy resolution shit with you. If that view on what is happening  is me imagining things with borderline I'm sorry. 
That is what I'm experiencing in my head.
30/12/2023, 20:17 - Fart: If this is wrong I'm sorry.
30/12/2023, 20:18 - Cat: I write stuff ans try to explain
30/12/2023, 20:18 - Cat: But then I delete it
30/12/2023, 20:19 - Cat: Cuz I hate fighting ans arguing when u re being illogical. But I just can't be bothered with fighting anymore u don't take well to reason, so I just shut up ans then u think u re in the right
30/12/2023, 20:19 - Cat: It's a cycle
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: U want boundary I try to give u space
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Fart: No you dont
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Fart: You ruined last night and now you're doing tonight too
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: But it's never good enough no matter what I do
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: Now I'm and for giving u dpace
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: I can't win
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: Ur e always right I'm always the bad guy
30/12/2023, 20:20 - Cat: See above
30/12/2023, 20:21 - Fart: This right now is not giving me space we discussed this when we first started going out again
30/12/2023, 20:21 - Fart: Do you remember
30/12/2023, 20:21 - Fart: ?
30/12/2023, 20:21 - Fart: Not at all true
30/12/2023, 20:21 - Fart: It's the other way around
30/12/2023, 20:22 - Fart: All you need to do is not start a fight on the days we're apart or it completely ruins the space boundary
30/12/2023, 20:22 - Fart: Every single time this happens. That day didn't count for me.
30/12/2023, 20:22 - Fart: I have borderline
30/12/2023, 20:22 - Fart: It takes all day to get over shit
30/12/2023, 20:23 - Fart: Yesterday wasn't a space day. today isn't.
30/12/2023, 20:23 - Fart: I don't get how with all the "research" into borderline you did you can't see how this is fucking up the boundary
30/12/2023, 20:28 - Fart: I'm still prepared to come to you after the thing if you want. Just please try and look at how your behaviour effects me. You're doing exactly what you apologised to me for when we got back together. 
I planned to spend most of the holidays with you initially, we had a mini argument over it because you didn't want that right? You needed course and pleasure coding time? That happened didn't it?
30/12/2023, 20:30 - Fart: And it's very hurtful that when we have an argument and you don't see me for a few days you immediately think about calling David. You said that the other day, and that was not a nice thing to say. 
I never think shit like that when we're falling out. <This message was edited>
30/12/2023, 20:44 - Fart: It's like you said you blocked lee, then the other night you said, "he's been quiet for a few weeks" how do you know he's been quiet if he's blocked? 🤷
You said you'd block David after the dick pics, he's still not blocked. 
You go through my phone and block someone and give them shit and I accept that. 
You go back on your word about Lee and don't bother blocking David and I accept that. I accept all sorts of shit.
Have a made a fuss, no. I just take it.
30/12/2023, 20:47 - Cat: I know. That's why it's never enough. I give u space, then it's not "good" space because of what goes on in ur head and ur convos with ur friends.... so it's my fault the dpace didn't count. I get it. I'm evil. Ure the vixtim. OK. What else do u want me to day?
30/12/2023, 20:50 - Fart: I want you to understand if we are arguing in any way, while we are on a day apart. That day wasn't a space day. That's all.
30/12/2023, 20:53 - Cat: So let's not talk then
30/12/2023, 20:53 - Cat: It always ends in arguments when we re not high or sleeping togethrr
30/12/2023, 20:53 - Fart: I love you. I can come to you any time tomorrow you like. I want to spend new years with the woman I love and want to marry. We need to have a boundary re-evaluation if you feel I'm using them in a shitty way
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Cat: So u don't wanna come tonight?
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Cat: K
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Fart: No it doesn't. You forget the good and overthink
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Fart: I can do
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Fart: Too late now
30/12/2023, 20:54 - Cat: Lol
30/12/2023, 20:55 - Fart: I was still worried all morning something from last night would crop up. It takes me so long to get over these
30/12/2023, 20:55 - Fart: I'm just trying to explain how I feel. Like I've been told to
30/12/2023, 20:57 - Fart: We've had more tha a few sex free days that we're perfect and one weed free 😘
30/12/2023, 20:59 - Cat: Yra but we see each other
30/12/2023, 20:59 - Cat: We touch each other
30/12/2023, 20:59 - Cat: We eat and sleep next to one anorher
30/12/2023, 21:02 - Fart: I love it
30/12/2023, 21:02 - Cat: When ure not there all I hear is u go with the friends who think I'm a husband beater and that there is nothing to report or talk about. That gives me plenty of time to go back to the ptsd place where u turned on me 180 and caused me to be arrested by the most racist police in this country. I'm traumatised and as soon as I'm alone I go back to fhat dark place and wonder why thr fuck I would risk even coming a mile close to u ever again. I'm sorry if ur super empathy can't make u see my perspective
30/12/2023, 21:03 - Cat: The fact that I'm still ur little guck secret 6 months later is not helping
30/12/2023, 21:03 - Cat: It brings up the trauma every time
30/12/2023, 21:03 - Cat: I don't know if i can ever feel safe again
30/12/2023, 21:04 - Fart: Untill We see each other
30/12/2023, 21:04 - Cat: I thought this breakup was pointless when u left and wanted us back together. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe this fuck up just can't be undone
30/12/2023, 21:05 - Fart: That's the opposite what you sai the day I left after boxing day
30/12/2023, 21:06 - Fart: Raining to hard to type well. Let me know if you want me to come. About to arrive at rhing
30/12/2023, 21:07 - Cat: K
30/12/2023, 21:07 - Cat: Text me when u re leaving
30/12/2023, 21:08 - Cat: Then u tell u how I feel by then if I'm awake
30/12/2023, 22:13 - Fart: Marko is on way, gonna wait till he gets here, see him for a half hour so I've seen him over Christmas and then head home and to you if you still want?
30/12/2023, 22:49 - Fart: Do you want me to come? If so I'll leave now
30/12/2023, 22:59 - Fart: Would be good to see you
30/12/2023, 23:20 - Fart: Love you Catherine. I want us to be ok
31/12/2023, 10:08 - Fart: Morning ❤️. You ok? Still want me to come? If so what time?
31/12/2023, 10:15 - Fart: ?
31/12/2023, 10:15 - Fart: null
31/12/2023, 11:44 - Cat: You deleted this message
31/12/2023, 11:52 - Cat: Dear Fabian, 

I am sorry for always upsetting you. I am sorry for everything u feel I have done to u that's wrong. I hope you can forgive me and not hate or terrorise me. I have severe ptsd from getting arrested after being assaulted by my yelling raging fiance when I all I did was try to hug you and talk sense into you. I wanted things to get back to normal. If I could go back in time I'd happily let u yell insults at me and strangle me and punch me in the ribs and I'd give u another 30k if I had them. But I cannot forget what u did to me 6 months ago. Few days ago you had that scary face on again when u argued with me that you were the one who dumped me first. Ifs not rhe case, i have dozens of tect messages that say orherwise. U made your reality with you disturbed emotions and i cant argue with you, i always losr. I'm sorry. I am a bad person. You can tell everyone that you dumped me because you are the one who does the dumping. That's fine. I am a bad person. I'm a destroyed and heart broken.  You won. Please. Please. Don't argue with me. Don't yell. I can't take more. I'm broken. Please leave me so i can move on. Thank you.
31/12/2023, 11:56 - Fart: null
31/12/2023, 12:07 - Fart: All this talk about boundaries is to stop me getting that look on my face and to prevent that happening again.
It's not about me winning. It's about US trying to make things work. 
You dumped me yes, multiple times. It was always a thing, you always threatened to leave me and I never threatened to leave you. Even now I'm trying to hold on. Again. 
When I'm borderlining my reality isn't real. We both know this,so why take something I said when I'm borderlining as gospel truth as what I believe. To me, when I left that day with the motorbike, I left you in my head. That was me leaving that toxic cycle we were stuck in. I don't get why that's such a big thing for you. Is it an ego thing? I've been dumped loads, I'm not "a dumper" as you put it.  And you dumped me, loads of times. I've lost count.
31/12/2023, 12:08 - Fart: null
31/12/2023, 12:10 - Fart: And every time you do it rips my heart out
31/12/2023, 12:10 - Fart: But you just keep on doing it.
31/12/2023, 12:10 - Fart: 😔
31/12/2023, 12:10 - Cat: OK. You dumped me. To get out of the toxic cycle. Yet here we are again.....
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Cat: Why?
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Fart: Because of a complete lack of boundaries.
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Cat: I'm as attached to u as u are to me. But it really isn't healthy
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Cat: OK.
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Fart: It would be with the boundaries we discussed
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Cat: You are right.
31/12/2023, 12:11 - Fart: Initially we had them, used them
31/12/2023, 12:12 - Fart: Stop fucking pandering. Say what you think.
31/12/2023, 12:12 - Fart: null
31/12/2023, 12:15 - Fart: I'll come and get my stuff on a day that convenient for you. Needs be before the 4th.
31/12/2023, 12:18 - Cat: Can u make a list plz
31/12/2023, 12:18 - Cat: I don't want any arguments or damage to my house. I will bring them
31/12/2023, 12:18 - Cat: Maybe we can meet half way at that Costa, its a public place. To keep things civilized
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Cat: Ur phone is here
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Fart: I can't deal with this. My mood is the lowest it's been since we broke up. I'm trying to find a way to fix this and all you can think about is yourself. 
You act like I'm just being selfish when all I'm doing is following advice for borderlines and their partners by medical professionals. 
Boundaries and space. 
You can't accept that so this break up is on you. 
I hope you watch some of those videos you sent me about the struggles of being in a relationship with a borderline. 
You will then see what you've done is wrong I hope.
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Cat: And yhr carpet stretcher if u want that back
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Fart: And the bag of DIY stuff.
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Cat: It's not all urs
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Fart: I know, we can go through it
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Fart: Moat of it is. I paid for it.
31/12/2023, 12:19 - Cat: I bought tons after u left  Please make a list
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Fart: The bag for life.
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Fart: I brought with me
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Cat: When?
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Fart: I can't make a fucking list have you seen what's in it.
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Fart: In the car with you
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Cat: Ah ok
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Cat: Maybe it's in the closet
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Cat: Will look later
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Fart: 👍
31/12/2023, 12:20 - Cat: With musti. He k iws what's ours
31/12/2023, 12:21 - Fart: Almost nothing in that bag is yours 🤷. Might be a paint roller head or something
31/12/2023, 12:22 - Fart: I do please, it was expensive
31/12/2023, 12:22 - Fart: Most of this won't fit on my bike so can I please ask if it can be dropped off here, failing that I'll ask will for a lift with it in the early new year?
31/12/2023, 12:25 - Cat: Lol, enjoy ur carpet stretcher
31/12/2023, 12:25 - Cat: I'm the selfish stretcher
31/12/2023, 12:25 - Fart: You asked if I wanted it back
31/12/2023, 12:25 - Fart: Fine fucking keep it.
31/12/2023, 12:26 - Fart: Like you'll ever get round to using it.
31/12/2023, 12:26 - Fart: I don't want to end badly
31/12/2023, 12:26 - Fart: Just have it.
31/12/2023, 12:26 - Fart: Can we try not be shitty with each other if we've got to break up
31/12/2023, 12:27 - Fart: We don't have to be enemies
31/12/2023, 12:27 - Cat: Please make a list of things u bought and want
31/12/2023, 12:27 - Cat: I will give u whatever u want that's urs
31/12/2023, 12:28 - Fart: Phone
DIY bag
Clothes
I don't know what else is there
31/12/2023, 12:28 - Fart: I'm not Lee, I haven't been secretly stashing shit around the place.
31/12/2023, 12:28 - Cat: Can y plz specify what's in the DIY bag?
31/12/2023, 12:29 - Fart: Everything. Drill bits fucking screws.
31/12/2023, 12:29 - Cat: I'm not a thief of screws but I fear ur revenge
31/12/2023, 12:29 - Cat: I'm sorry
31/12/2023, 12:29 - Fart: null
31/12/2023, 12:33 - Fart: I think it's on the shelf under the stairs
31/12/2023, 12:33 - Fart: The one I put up for you
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: I love u Fabian
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: I'm scared of u
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: Please don't get mad
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: I don't want us to end badly
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: I'm just really scared and traumatised after what u did
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Fart: So stop treating me like this. I'm not borderlining
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Cat: Plz prove to me that u are not a monster
31/12/2023, 12:34 - Fart: 🙄
31/12/2023, 12:35 - Fart: I'm just disappointed
31/12/2023, 12:35 - Fart: Unhappy
31/12/2023, 12:35 - Fart: Not angry
31/12/2023, 12:35 - Cat: VID-20231231-WA0001.mp4 (file attached)
31/12/2023, 12:35 - Cat: This is what's under the stairs